All your life, you imagine it romantically...
The moment you find out you are pregnant. Dream scenarios flew through my head; not even marriage came close to THAT moment. With great excitement, we started the process of trying to get pregnant.
I could imagine it all; we had just married, and becoming a family would be the finishing touch. While my husband enjoyed 'trying' with the 'it will come when it comes' attitude, I kept a close eye on my Flo app daily, spotting every possible sign of an ailment.
The tests were bought. Yes, several tests at once - because I went for a discount pack. I used to think that you can just buy a random test, now I have entered the magical world of pregnancy tests. You can do tests 5 days earlier, digital tests that show how long you have been pregnant, tests that let you know within 1 or 3 minutes, different house brands, or a Clearblue; the choice is enormous. Not even to mention ovulation tests.
When I tested for the first time, I had it all prepared. My husband was waiting with a cappuccino and some tension; I went to the toilet to test. Unfortunately, I was not pregnant, and I was very disappointed, even though it was only my first test.
The consequence of a negative test is that you will not try so timed and romantic in the following months. Testing starts with even more tension and uncertainty.
On to the next time. I had been looking forward to it the whole month: the moment I was due for my period - or not - and could therefore test again. I anxiously went to the toilet with a test, only to have to pee so badly that I couldn't even do the test. So much for the socially engineered moment, I had previously dreamed of.
We started our weekly online team meeting with Babywatcher, and I was balking at having to go to the toilet so intensely - in retrospect, the ailment I had been trying to spot all along. After the meeting, I decided to take a test anyway without morning urine to get a negative confirmation and kill the nerves. Without saying anything to my husband, I went upstairs to test.
Wobbling and sitting on one buttock, I sat down on the far too cold toilet, already half bummed that it probably wouldn't be the case after all. Getting the test out of that piece of paper while you already have to pee turns out to be quite an exercise for your bladder. You will also pee over your hand for the extra romantic pink cloud if you are not careful.
Not to mention the three minutes that feel like an eternity. In the Valhalla of pregnancy tests, I had made the wrong choice. I think I checked about five times whether that little cross really meant pregnant. The word 'pregnant' is a lot nicer to read than having to check whether the little cross in the book really means pregnant when you're so nervous that you can't think straight anymore.
The part where I went to tell my husband, shaking with happiness and crying, while he was cleaning up and thought I was joking, was also a little different than planned. So much for the lovely moment when I could surprise him.Peeing over a stick that can change your whole life in three minutes turned out not to be as romantic an experience as I had imagined. The happiness and astonishment that came over me when I saw that little cross turned out to be what I had imagined. No matter how tiny the mustard seed is at that moment, to me, it already feels like having a full-grown baby in my belly. And that feeling is the most beautiful thing there is.